Personal Conflict Narrative: Rough Draft & Final Draft --by Matthew Link

     I enjoyed Matthew's personal conflict narrative. It sounds like the experience was tremendously significant in his life. The reader was able to pick up on the influence of the event after the revisions were made on the rough draft.  Along the way, I was able to relate to Matthew's passion for music; it reminded me of my love for theater. There truly was an immense difference in the drafts from beginning to end, and I enjoyed the story very much.
    The first draft was a bit weak, though it had a lot of potential. A lot of what was stated was phrased awkwardly. The reader was not informed of some major details that could have pulled the story together in a sensible manner. And the story, I feel, lacked a drive. There was no passion, no need to tell this tale. However, the second draft definitely used well constructed paragraphs/sentences to illustrate Matthew's experience interestingly and effectively. The concluding paragraph ended on a bit of a sour note. I respected Matthew's honesty and I understand that his dreams were crushed. However, the ended almost made me believe that he didn't take much from the experience.
    Matthew's revised draft captivated me. It was so much more thorough and satisfying to read. I felt like he really expressed himself, and as the reader, that was fulfilling. Towards the beginning of the story Matthew says, "The feeling that I had on stage was like a drug induced high. The rush was so intense that I became a junkie of music" (67). I really can relate to this and I like the way Matthew described it. His passion for music is quite similar to my passion for theater. Being on stage was/is, in a sense, hypnotic. It makes me feel whole, like the cares of the world don't matter, like nothing can come between me and the performance.
     Matthew then went on to describe the process of getting a "gig." I liked that because I am not too familiar with it. I have seen shows before but am not very used to seeing live bands perform. I had no idea that bands often need to sell a certain number of tickets to perform. That really surprised me. I have asked friends to come see some shows that I've been in, and the fact that they have to pay makes it a lot less enticing. But to have them pay and then not be able to see you perform must be incredibly frustrating and disappointing. I put myself in Matthew's shoes and imagined how incredibly upsetting it must be to prepare yourself for a show and then not be able to perform, after being called a liar. I definitely felt for him even more than I had originally because I understood more of the situation through the details he provided.
     He discussed, in his revised narrative, the moment before he walked into Paul's office to discuss ticket sales. He said, "I walked through the smoky club, passing the dimly lit mixing board and into the lobby. I rounded the corner and opened the weathered door to the coat room" (68). This reminded me of an acting technique called "sense memory," a method used, by an actor/actress, in which the senses are engaged to get a point across the audience. Matthew's description of the "smoky club," "the dimly lit mixing board," and the "weathered door" helps to set the scene for the reader. I could clearly picture where we went and how it looked through his sense-based description. I liked that a lot.
     I thought Matthew's analysis of Paul's behavior added such depth to his story. He said, "Part of the reason that Paul wanted to take money from bands is that he was not a rich man. he was also growing older, around thirty-five...He could also just be tired of having to deal with teenage bands" (69). The fact that he saw Paul with a different perspective, altered Paul from being a two-dimensional character--in my mind--to a three-dimensional character. I liked that commentary very much. It showed the reader that the author had matured and with time, saw this man differently.
     "Conflicts exist whenever one is confronted by change...Exploring the unknown is not supported by our society today...People are also inclined towards routine. Routine is good because it is not dangerous" (71). I thought this was brilliantly stated. It is so true! And often times, following your dreams yields sacrifices and therefore conflicts. But it builds personal strength and character. As Matthew said, "The bright side of being conflicted is the end result...'There is no teacher like experience'" (71).  It is very true.
     "[Music] is a form of therapy for me" too (69), just like Matthew. I liked this story because I could relate to it and also because I could see the process and the evolution of his writing. The final draft was very well done, very well-written.