Introduction

I am a tea-drinking, dream-wishing, soul-singing, laughter-loving, friend-hugging, health-seeking young woman.


I am also a Type-1 Juvenile Diabetic--since age 10. My diagnosis was one of the most traumatic and memorable incidents I have ever encountered:

My physical and emotional strength were tested on February 1st, 2003, the moment I went to Nyack Hospital. The doctors claimed that I had “sweet breath” and proceeded to take actions that eventually saved my life. It was an unexpected diagnosis, thankfully determined before things could not be turned around for me. A pediatrician missed it, telling me that the stomach virus, the intense thirst, the fatigue and the loss of thirteen-pounds in just five days, was all just a coincidence. I remember feeling nauseous, tired, achy, parched and lethargic. I was rushed to the hospital, and after five days, I was well-educated on my new diagnosis: Juvenile Type-One Diabetes. It turns out my blood sugar was an implausible 960mg/dl! (An ideal range is anywhere from 80mg/dl-135mg/dl). I was simply hours away from being put into a coma. Luckily, this disease was caught before it pervaded my body. Though today, my blood sugars are more under control, I still struggle to keep myself healthy. It is quite a struggle.

This year, I left UHa on medical leave. I was situated in a hospital in New York, working to improve my physical and emotional health. This break from school was necessary but very difficult for me; I missed my friends, my classes and my freedom. I was able to pull myself together and return after nine days.


It's interesting; looking back, I've always fallen victim to my body. My lack of salubrious stability has made me much more cautious and uncertain individual. I set incredibly high standards for myself and sometimes get down on myself if I am unable to achieve them. Since my diagnosis, I've striven for perfection. I can tell you, honestly, that it is an unrealistic dream.

I've always felt as though my medical issues have taken "the voice" out of me. I find it difficult to stand up to my body and mind. I think that's why sometimes writing is so difficult for me; I judge it too much. I try to hard. I want to make it perfect. I am learning to let go of the pressure and be positively proactive. I'm working towards attaining my goals for the future (i.e., finding happiness, making a career out of theater, being a good friend/family member, living mindfully...). I am working on not defining myself based on my health issues.

I know, deep down, that I am...

"One
Who loves.
Who admires but fears.
Who dreams,
Aspires.
A teenager, yet a child.
A thinker. A creator.
Observe.

Recalling family travels.
Italy, where the wind stroked my
Hair, and the sun willingly unearthed.
Blinking at her
Reflection, within the accruing
Chilled pools. Waterfalls. Lakes.
From the dancing butterflies of the stream.

The long hallway presses two palms
Against the delicate faces of my
Two favorite rooms:


Collections of my life are
Distributed, displayed, scattered
Amongst the crevices of my
bedroom. My youth,
Painted on the smiles of each
teddy bear, and inscribed in
“Bedtime books” on top my shelf.
They slumber beside recent
Photographs and memories.
Existing Forever, creating permanent
Imprints in my mind, of beautiful moments
Captured.
From growth.

The kitchen.
Tiles, cool beneath
My bare toes.
Home sweet home
To conversation
that brews and bubbles beneath
Tears and laughter. A bedroom for
Concocting with companions.
Years ago, snacking and sneaking
Packets of sugar, sweet candies.

Treats.
The kitchen. My own
Performance space. An area to
Sing. Oh, and to dance!
From freedom.

Arms drenched in goosebumps.
Eyes in awe. Ears flirtatious with
The drifting melodies.

“Memory, all
Alone in
the moonlight,”
Sways and purrs in my mind.
A show-tune enthusiast.
From the stage.

An apple in hand,
A celery stick
in the other,

So sheltering a snug cup of
Drained herbs, tea.
From moments of peace.

I am
One
Jovial face in the crowd.
A daughter and sister.
Ally, a student.
“Jenz” the health-nut, and
Lover of animals,
Sunsets, photography, and
Old movies. Poetry,
Friendships and
Family.
From the heart.

I am
One…
But one
from several
Extraordinary
Memories. From
A focused present.
A miraculous
And beautiful
Future."

I am complex. I am unique.
I am me.